Why I - Let Gatsby Go

     Letting Gatsby go was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I loved him and he made me so happy. I should have known I was being a fool all along but I also had not planned for Gatsby and to get so serious. Unfortunately, back then I could not see a future with him because he wasn’t very rich. Everybody knows that rich girls do not marry poor boys. It was just a fact of life and the sad fact was that I was rich and Gatsby was not so we could not fool ourselves any longer. I could tell he was hurt, but he had to understand that at the time it was what I had to do because it was the best for me. If Gatsby could not support my lifestyle than I simply could not marry him. I needed a rich man to fulfill my expensive taste. Once Gatsby left to join the army, I became restless and itching for the affection he once gave me. So I continued to attend parties with my friends and met eligible bachelors. Once I met a man who passed all the necessary qualities on my checklist I married him to fill the emptiness in my heart, but it turns out that he could only keep me content for so long. I tried to convince myself that I had to leave Gatsby, that I did not have a choice. I knew I was too dependent on others to afford being dependent on Gatsby. Material things do keep me happy it has always been something I need, but I ended up needing Gatsby just as much.

What I was Thinking - When I Met Nick

   I was surprised I had a cousin I had never met before, but I was not too worried about it. Nick was very nice and right away we clicked with that cousin connection. He was not too shabby of a person to be related to either because he obviously had enough money to live in West Egg. I think our mutual friendship with Gatsby is what really brought us together. Perhaps it was fate, but regardless, we were both entangled with the mysterious Gatsby. I had heard some rumors about how Gatsby made his money so I couldn’t help but to wonder if Nick was in the same business, but I could tell he had a good head on his shoulders. Nick seemed like a loyal man and very humble. I would try to talk him into having a fling with Jordyn, but he would always shrug it off and ask me questions or change the subject. He and Jordyn would make a lovely couple though since Jordyn wanted a proper man to take control of her life. Although Nick may not have admitted it, I could tell he admired Jordyn’s independent qualities. He was so interested in the fact that she played golf and was so stubborn but remained so ladylike. Nick and I would have several conversations and I even opened up to him about my marriage and what I was feeling when my daughter was born. I am so thankful that Nick came into my life because not only is he a wonderful cousin, but also helped me reunite with Gatsby.

What I Was Feeling - When I Reunited with Gatsby

   The very first time I saw Gatsby after I had married Tom was so overwhelming; I just remember my senses were all mixed up as my feelings for Gatsby came rushing back. I had wondered if I would ever see him again and when the moment came, it was more than I could have ever wished. It felt like I was being reunited with my other half. It was hard to keep an eloquent composure when all I wanted to do was dance of excitement. My favorite part was when he looked at me in the foyer of his house. The room overflowed with so many beautiful flowers, it was so perfect. When he looked at me I felt like a queen. He stared at me in a way that made me feel like I was the only person in the entire world. When he looked at me it reminded me of the way he always paid attention to me. I was always the center of attention to Gatsby, and I loved it. When other men would put me on a pedestal, Gatsby would put me on a stage with a spotlight and watch me with binoculars. It was the most fantastic feeling in the world. I was so happy that Gatsby came back and I can honestly say that I did love him all along. I felt like I was finally complete, and together, Gatsby and I were invincible. 

Why I - Married Tom Buchanan

            I married Tom Buchanan to fill a void in my heart. I enjoyed being surrounded by fancy things and going on expensive dates but I could not survive by myself. I need someone to give me their undivided attention at all times or I feel pointless. Although I felt that no man could fulfill my life the way Gatsby would, I also knew I would be unhappy with Gatsby if he could not buy me the luxurious things that I indulged in. I settled for Tom when he came along because he had a protective manly quality to him and he was loaded. It was necessary that my high maintenance taste be satisfied. When I heard that Gatsby was back my heart fluttered and when I saw it was true I finally felt complete. He had made a fortune of his own and became so wealthy.  His shirts were made from the most exotic fabrics everything of his was so classy it made me tear up. He proved that he truly loved me by becoming rich and showing he could support me. I never second guessed spending time with Gatsby again because he was the only one I ever loved. He had everything and when I was with him I knew I had everything. All I ever wanted was everything and Gatsby was able to give that to me. He gave me the world.

What I Was Feeling - When Gatsby Left

          It is hard to believe that I went through a period of time without Gatsby. Twas a miserable time indeed, but with my luck I was able to manage. Gatsby had let me know that he was going away to join the army and I was not too upset by it. There were always two things I was in love with, which were Gatsby and extravagant luxuries. Don’t get me wrong, I loved Gatsby, he made me happier than a limitless amount of diamonds could, but the problem was he could not afford to buy me any amount of diamonds at all; everybody knows that rich girls do not marry poor boys or else you are setting yourself up for a life of unfulfilled expenses. When Gatsby left I was slightly heartbroken, but I was not willing to waste my life away waiting for anybody. I continued enjoying my life in high society where we partied all the time and everyone laughed at my jokes. I allowed a few men to court me, but none of them could truly make me as happy as Gatsby could. I felt a deep emptiness inside; even when these men would gift me the finest glitters and gold, I felt like a part of me was missing. I then became frantic and felt like I needed security, so I rushed to marry the richest man I met named Tom Buchanan. I loved Tom and I loved the things he bought me, but I was never truly in love with Tom. I was a miserable wife. I was married, yet I felt unhappy and lonely. I missed Gatsby and that is when I realized I never stopped being in love with Gatsby. No matter how hard I tried, nobody would ever fix the rip in my heart that Jay Gatsby tore.

What I Was Thinking - When I Ran Over Myrtle

     I felt such a rush driving Gatsby’s luxurious car as it is a chore that is not normally socially acceptable for women to do, but what do I care! I am a free human being with a mind of my own and if I do say so myself, I am the perfect example for all women on how to live fun independent lives. After all, everyone around you is your audience, so why not make your performance entertaining? Reverting back to remembering what I was thinking while driving Gatsby’s car, I thought the only way to cherish the moment was to drive faster than the wind, and believe me it was marvelous! My adrenaline rush quickly came crashing down when I saw a woman leap onto the path of the speeding car. My thoughts spun out of control and all of a sudden my body was not obeying my orders; it was as if the steering wheel and pedal seemed to have paralyzed. For a split second, I thought that maybe this woman would react just as quickly as she jumped onto the road, but it was too late. Gatsby had tried to veer out of the way and spare the woman’s life, but it was inevitable. Once we drove over the bump the only thought I had was to never look back and drive home as quickly as I could. I was shocked that something so beautiful could cause such tragedy. The glorious expensive yellow car killed that woman, yet the least of my worries was to find out if she was alright.