Why I - Let Gatsby Go

     Letting Gatsby go was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I loved him and he made me so happy. I should have known I was being a fool all along but I also had not planned for Gatsby and to get so serious. Unfortunately, back then I could not see a future with him because he wasn’t very rich. Everybody knows that rich girls do not marry poor boys. It was just a fact of life and the sad fact was that I was rich and Gatsby was not so we could not fool ourselves any longer. I could tell he was hurt, but he had to understand that at the time it was what I had to do because it was the best for me. If Gatsby could not support my lifestyle than I simply could not marry him. I needed a rich man to fulfill my expensive taste. Once Gatsby left to join the army, I became restless and itching for the affection he once gave me. So I continued to attend parties with my friends and met eligible bachelors. Once I met a man who passed all the necessary qualities on my checklist I married him to fill the emptiness in my heart, but it turns out that he could only keep me content for so long. I tried to convince myself that I had to leave Gatsby, that I did not have a choice. I knew I was too dependent on others to afford being dependent on Gatsby. Material things do keep me happy it has always been something I need, but I ended up needing Gatsby just as much.

What I was Thinking - When I Met Nick

   I was surprised I had a cousin I had never met before, but I was not too worried about it. Nick was very nice and right away we clicked with that cousin connection. He was not too shabby of a person to be related to either because he obviously had enough money to live in West Egg. I think our mutual friendship with Gatsby is what really brought us together. Perhaps it was fate, but regardless, we were both entangled with the mysterious Gatsby. I had heard some rumors about how Gatsby made his money so I couldn’t help but to wonder if Nick was in the same business, but I could tell he had a good head on his shoulders. Nick seemed like a loyal man and very humble. I would try to talk him into having a fling with Jordyn, but he would always shrug it off and ask me questions or change the subject. He and Jordyn would make a lovely couple though since Jordyn wanted a proper man to take control of her life. Although Nick may not have admitted it, I could tell he admired Jordyn’s independent qualities. He was so interested in the fact that she played golf and was so stubborn but remained so ladylike. Nick and I would have several conversations and I even opened up to him about my marriage and what I was feeling when my daughter was born. I am so thankful that Nick came into my life because not only is he a wonderful cousin, but also helped me reunite with Gatsby.

What I Was Feeling - When I Reunited with Gatsby

   The very first time I saw Gatsby after I had married Tom was so overwhelming; I just remember my senses were all mixed up as my feelings for Gatsby came rushing back. I had wondered if I would ever see him again and when the moment came, it was more than I could have ever wished. It felt like I was being reunited with my other half. It was hard to keep an eloquent composure when all I wanted to do was dance of excitement. My favorite part was when he looked at me in the foyer of his house. The room overflowed with so many beautiful flowers, it was so perfect. When he looked at me I felt like a queen. He stared at me in a way that made me feel like I was the only person in the entire world. When he looked at me it reminded me of the way he always paid attention to me. I was always the center of attention to Gatsby, and I loved it. When other men would put me on a pedestal, Gatsby would put me on a stage with a spotlight and watch me with binoculars. It was the most fantastic feeling in the world. I was so happy that Gatsby came back and I can honestly say that I did love him all along. I felt like I was finally complete, and together, Gatsby and I were invincible.